What is beauty?

A blogger friend of mine – you may have heard of her, the amazing August McLaughlin – is hosting a blog fest titled “The Beauty of a Woman” this week. I accepted a Facebook invite to the event thinking, sure, I’ll read and comment on blogs, sounds like fun.

When the fest kicked off today, I began pondering the question: what makes a woman truly beautiful? I realize there is at least a hundred different answers to that, so I dug a little, asked myself the simplified version – what is beautiful to me? As cynical and sarcastic as I am, I do find beauty in every day things. I even see it in some of the most terrible places thanks to my skewed vision.

I touched on my depression in my last blog post. Let me take you a little deeper here.

I had absolutely no reason to be depressed growing up (of course, any of us with the tiniest bit of knowledge on the subject know there doesn’t have to be a reason). My parents were never abusive in any way, shape or form. I had a glorious family life. I still do. My parents, brother, all my cousins, they’ve been called my “Brady Bunch Family” because we all get along so well and would do anything for each other.

Yet, there I was, sixteen years old, and I had my suicide planned. I saw it in my head; everything from the method (slit wrists, in the bathtub so it was easier to clean) down to the fact that Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home” (hey, I was a child of the 80s) would be playing on repeat when I was found.

My faith and family – though none of them knew about it – were the only things at the time that prevented it. A year later, I developed severe panic disorder and dying was my greatest fear. Funny how that works.

At any rate, all these years later, I look back on the grueling path I traveled to the freedom I have today and realize there were a lot of beautiful bumps in that road.

Yes, I have been stricken with so many illnesses and diagnoses I could practically list them and use the entire alphabet. Yes, I’ve had to make sacrifices and learn what is truly important in life to me. But all the while, I have looked upon each as a milestone to contentment. And I’ve met some awe-inspiring people along the way.

So, what is beauty to me?

The woman who finds courage to leave a broken relationship. The man who reaches out to a complete stranger and offers understanding and camaraderie. The child or young adult who finds inspiration in those decades older than she.

It’s being who you are, who you want to be, and not settling for anything because it’s too hard to achieve. It’s acknowledging your inner flaws, fixing them if you can, and making the best of them if you can’t.

Being you, including all the ugly parts, is beautiful.